MiO sToRy ...

2006-08-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

wth ... worst of the worst case ... last time the most serious case also like just have headache only ... now is like no headache but my stomach is rejecting whatever food i put in ...feel sooo tong ku ... arhx ... stupid stupid stupid ... so stupid .....

2006-08-10T05:16:00.000-07:00

Ash in the air ... it is getting closer i guess ... not again ... time to find shelter liao ... just wtf is all this ? I can never have peace for long ... i wondered if i should ever made up mio mind in going aboard ... Maybe that was a better choice ... or even moving out will be a so much betta choice ... I seriously cant stand any of this crap ... Are adults ever mature ? Are kids like me always so inmature? It doesnt appear so ... It never seems so to me ... Never Ever !
In a confusion state recently ... Been more trouble than ever ... And it seems like i've been going drinking more often also ... Relationship matters are never easy to handle despite the so many lessons ... Everytime when you are afriad that the someone will hurt you , and you will try so much not to fall in love or commit so much ... and you did it ... but instead that person was loving you wholeheartly ...
When you see that true love still exist and that not all love brings you hurt and tears , the next person that come across your path you will try to grap whole of it and make sure you keep the feelings and used it all up until the last moment ... and making sure that this time round you wont lost another good guy ... but then he never know how words or little things he do could ever cause such a great impact on you ... he didnt even know that matters to you ... he never understand what you are going through ... he dont understand why you yearn so much for his company when you could simply ask any guy out and they would be more than happy enough to accompany you ... in his mind maybe it was all a burden ... and you knew it urself that you never want to be anyone burden ... you knew that you would rather let go then to grab hold of it when burden come in ... Maybe everything you do for him is just like what you are suppose to do ... and he is being insensitive in the things that you would hope he will give in return ...

2006-07-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

Past week was a real battle for me . Trying hard to finish all my work and hand up on time . And forcing myself to study and be well prepare for the test . After one long week finally can rest le . But still got to chiong music project . One super suxy project ...
Was quite down recently i suppose . Or should i say i never know what is happiness ever since that day . Though it been really quite a while since it was over but still it is damm hard to get over it . I thought i am happier . maybe yes i am indeed happier but it is because i wont feel damm sad over anything again .
I realised how scary it is to be feeling so lack of trust for nobody . To be having the barrier of trust against anyone everyone . To be not able to trust anyone . To be thinking that all ppl in the world are bad . How long ler ? look back it been so long ...but yet all this are still being the cause of all my sadness . All the change in me . everything .
I wanna stand up again . Back on my two feet . Back to being the me that hadnt gone through anything . Never to understand what is hate or trust . ALl these are simply facts that i can never face. they are too hard for me to accept .
I dont understand why is things always the opposite for me. The things i want i wont get it , the things i dont want but yet i get it . People whom can change me dont try to change me , but people who cant change me are trying hard to help me be back on my feet again , to be living my life all over again . Is that the fate for me ? it is so sucky . ..

2006-07-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

Life been superly f**k up . Out of six school days there are 4 days that i will reach home not earlier than eight thirty . Somemore reach home damm hungry .... will found out that there are no food .... wah liew ... everytime lidat ...... then end up never eat ..... then breakfast also never eat . onli eat one meal in a day .... which is my recess .... dot dot ... wont grow thin then there's problem ler ....

2006-07-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

the above feelings cannot be display .........

memories that are hard to forget
wanna own both at the same time
but i know its impossible

things that learn to live without with
came back fresh to me
but still i am unwilling to give up the freedom i owned

broken heart that is glued
but the fights continue within
the barrier is still there

2006-06-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

It's so sickening to be havening that feeling back ... this feeling keep coming and go as and when... how long had it been ? I thought i am able to do that ... i thought i am able to forget all about you and continue my life ... but it had proven me wrong ... you were the last guy i ever felt the feelings ... It's real hard to be facing you but yet had to treat you as a fren ... and to treat it as it had never happen ... i rather choose the direct way ... i rather you say something that really hurts me deep enough so i will be hating you and will nv fall into the hands of any hunters along my way ... i really hope you did that ... you never know how hard it is to accept the fact ...

2006-06-30T06:47:00.000-07:00

" how far had i went , how much had i change over the different impact from different things ? " I keep asking myself . Did i really mature from these things that i had gone through and learn not to make the same mistakes again ... or had i just made one big round and came back to the same spot as to where i first started off ?
There are soo many things recently that really make me felt that i wanna be back to the old me ... and somewhat i felt that i had change back ... the girl that nv trust in any relationship ,the girl that dono what is love ... the girl that knows onli abt frens around her ... the girl that cares onli abt fooling around at playground /basketball court /swimming pool / sentosa ... the once carefree and innocent de me ...the once when freedom was all in the control of my hands ... am i ever getting them back ?

2006-06-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

It is 10.02 and i called my friend and just realised that tmr there is two test . First chinese second maths ... how much time had i left ? 8 hours before i board the bus ... dont need sleep arhx ... somemore today so tired ... study also flung ... then nv study sure flung lor .... haix ... reading the text but nothing seems to get into my mind ... god bless me ....

2006-06-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

Long time never blog ler ... abit tired of blogging my life cause it sux ... super busy nowadays ... working plus study ... i thought i lost my blog password when i reformat my computer ... then he ask if i nv blog then i keep anyhow type password ... then surprise surprise i got the right password in the end ... hahax ...
I am quite amazed that actually many people remember my birthday ... even those i didnt really keep in contact with .. those i dont really expect they will remember ... haha ... thx so much fer all the birthday testimonial ... and of cos the birthday cake ... haha ... it was really a memorable one this year ... finally this yr it was a happy one ^^
Nowadays really super busy ... one month holiday , three week gone ler ... one week go malaysia with school ...one week go malaysia with parents ... one week go malaysia for fashion show with my modeling agency ... work work work everyday ... now trying to chiong my network marketing de ... plus homework .... arhx ... holiday going to end ler ... what had i done ? not much ...

2006-05-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i feel that i am in a relationship but sometimes i feel i am not ... I never dare to commit so much anymore ... or should i say i didnt even commit myself ... Because you have totally the same attitude as my ex ... I wont give in to things like that anymore ... I dont want to bring myself to love you deeply then force myself to forget you ... Thus this time round i choose not to commit not to love ... Y0u are the unlucky one i should say ... You didnt make me feel that i am very important to you ... I didnt feel your love for me ... I dont know maybe you did ... But all i know is tat this time round i will be very careful to prevent history from repeating itself ...
" When you learn how to fly you no longer need wings " That is something i learn ... ALl those sweet honey words to me i had listen till no longer want to listen ... All those excuse that you always gave me are excuses that i had been hearing time and time from my ex ... All those lies ... You knew i knew and you knew i can see through them ... But yet you still choose to lie t0 me ... We have different characters , attitudes , thinkings and different mindset ....

2006-05-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

You dont call this love ... I just wanna cry ... YOu say i dont tell you you wont know why ... You just dont understand me well enough ... I dont want another love lidat ... I dont want to let history repeat itself ... Dont keep on saying sorry to me after every mistakes you make can you ? ... A simply sorry really means nothing to me ... I want to see actions ... Not just words itself ...
Been throwing my temper on you ... I am sorry ... But you piss me off everytime ... Cause you dont know what i want ... You dont understand what i meant ... We dont see eye to eye to things ... There is a gap ... That is at least what i feel ... You asked me if i loved you anot ... I dont know... I really dono ... But at least till now even i like you i will still choose the easier way out ... Relationship things arent for me ... I dont want to get myself into another mess ... Or at least i wont let myself love you too deep ...

2006-05-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

Someone enlighten me today ... A very successful lady told me this " Girls your age should be more career minded ... Because girls are stronger than guys in many ways -- Girls can juggle around with many things but guys cant --- Your life cannot be control by relationship ... Dont let relationship stuff ruin your life ... If you reali wan to stead must go for guys that have a very strong career base so that you will have a good future " how true it is ... Lolx ... That is why i know what to do now ... I shall stick to my own belief and thinkings ... lolx ... happy happy liao ... Cause me know what to do ler ...

2006-05-10T07:12:00.000-07:00

Not again ... I wanna love no more ... It comes and goes ... Sometimes it just disappear without saying goodbye ... Scientist prove that true love only last for 3 years the most ... After that is all up to the interaction between two ... I am happy being single ... Although i used to hate it ... But i had learnt to grew independant ... I grew to learn how to focus on other things that will make my life more meaningful ... And now it comes just like the wind ... All at one go ... Why did this feeling come back ? ... I no longer want this feeling anymore ... Somemore it came back as two whole ... I am in the middle ... Not another triangle .... Pls pls not another one ... Get so tired of triangle lerr ... Why everytime triangle de ??? ... Somemore this time round i am in the middle ... Why why why ? ... Tong ku ar ... So fan ar ...

2006-05-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

一直很安静
歌手：钰迪 专辑：美丽心情

• 搜索 "一直很安静"mp3
LRC歌词
打印预览
钰迪-一直很安静(电视剧仙剑奇侠传插曲)
词:方文山曲:如花如岳

--------

空荡的街景
想找个人放感情
作这种决定
是寂寞与我为邻
我们的爱情
像你路过的风景
一直在进行
脚步却从来不会为我而停

--

给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名

----

你说爱像云
要自在飘浮才美丽
我终于相信
分手的理由有时候很动听
我从一开始就下定决心
以为自己要的是曾经
却发现爱一定要有回应
除了泪在我的脸上任性
原来缘分是用来说明
你突然不爱我这件事情

2006-05-09T06:02:00.000-07:00

Ever since xin yi talk to me about it that day , i always thought i got the third way out ... But then i realised now that there is onli two way out ... Totally unexpected ... Everytime everything turns out so unexpectly ... Each step that i planned long ago didnt turn out as what it should had be ... So sad and disappointed ... Dono why i feel this way ... Maybe i wanna be back to the old me ... Lost again ... Teach me what to do ...

2006-05-09T03:55:00.000-07:00

nOt aNoThEr oNe I tHoUghT ... hAd hAd EnOuGh lErH ... wHy eVeYtImE lIdAt dErH ? ... hArD lEh hArD lEh rEaLlY hArD wOrZ ... hAiShH ...

2006-05-08T03:36:00.000-07:00

~ STORY ~

Day 1
_______

It was a normal day ... everything started off normally ... She didnt went down to work today cause she is very tired ... Because she had been sleeping for only a few hours for the past four days ... And today she finally had the chance to go online again ... She knew her netfriends would miss her ... And she knew she missed them too ...
She went online happily ... But sadly not many people are online ... And there she was so disappointed and down ... And she thought that she is going to waste another day ... And think that she should had gone down to office ... But she didnt want to go offline so early ... It was after four days that she had the chance to go online ... So she went to friendster and checked all the message and stuff ... And begin browsing through her friends friends ... And she happen to came across this picture of two guys ... She got attracted to the picture ...
So she clicked at the picture ... And read through this guy profile ... She saw his msn so added him to her msn friend list ... And from then they begin chatting ... And this guy asked to meet ... And the sociable her of course wouldnt reject him larr ...

Day 2
_______

She was so excited the whole day ... She went to work in the afternoon and had agree to meet him in the evening ... She kept looking at her phone throughout .... The time passed so slowly ...
And finally the time reached ... She waited at the mrt control station for him ... And called him to see where he was ... CAuse she cant recongise him ... And he picked up the call ... Walk over to her and smile sweetly at her ... And there they went strolling ...
Then they happened to come to a place with sea but no sand ...And they sat there ... It was night time by then ... Darkness filled the air .... It was a romantic night ... With the breeze blowing gently against her face ... She was tired after a day of work ... She look at the waves , one tide after another ... She took in a deep breath ... She then remembered it had been ages that she last went to seaside ... She felt so relaxed ...
But yet after awhile ... Thunder roared ... Lighting was seen one after another ... She dont like lighting , she dont like thunder ... They always remind her of her unhappiness ... She hugged her legs tight ... Trying to cover the sound of the thunder ... This guy sitting beside realised what she is doing ... Hugged her tight ... His arms were warm strong ones ... Out of a sudden all this unhappiness that the thunder and lighting had brought her all disappear ... And what filled her is happiness ... She felt so secure ... Secure in this arms of his ... TO BE CONTINUED ....

2006-05-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

Never say I luv u
If u really don't care

Never talk bout feelings
If they aren't really there

Never hold my hand
If u r going to break my heart

Never say u r going to
If u don't plan to start

Never look into my eyes
If all u do is lie

Never say hello
If u really mean good bye

If u really mean forever
Then say u will try

Never say forever
Cause forever makes me cry

cOpYrItE fRoM yOnG Qi

2006-05-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

I think i am going to become a waoking vampire soon .... Had been going down to my office at clark quey for continuious four days ... been like taking the last bus home for the past few days ... Only today reach home earlier .... Reach home at around 11 .... If not normally is 11 plus then leave office de ... Must really work hard hard ... Must be determine .... Me sooo busy liaox ... No more free time ... Everyday got meeting lidat ... But also good larr ... At least got something to let me focus on ... Better than i everytime so free than think about this and that ...
I took the bus 190 to clark quey quite a number of times le ... But i always miss the stop ... I keep looking out of the window but still miss ... Haix ... ME sotong ... lolx ...
Some memories had disappear ... What left are footprints ...
The people at my company very nice de .. Very friendly ... I think these people will rewrite a new chapter of my life bahx ... Friends that are for life i guess...

2006-05-03T00:48:00.000-07:00

So many things happened in school today ... Bad day at school .... I had never ever like school Since kindergraden ... But dono how i end up in this school ... Was tired this morning ... Cause sleep like only 3 , 4 hours ... There are so many things that i wanted to share ... But then no one could be trust ... That is what i learn from the previous incident ... Once bitten twice shy ...
So many things need to be done ... Haix ... And my pocket got burn liao ... Keep withdrawing money from bank ... $$$ so important de worz ...
I know how to dress better now ... Maybe that causes the change of my appearance ... Not the same me any longer ... A change may be good ... People must change so to improve mahx ... Actually my thinking also change ... Hahax ... More mature liaox ... But also got people still worried about me ... lolx ... Come to such a distance ... Had benifit alot ... Indeed we learn from experience ...

2006-04-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

There are somethings in life that you simply cant be bother with ... Sometime , somethings , Must learn when to let go ... Indeed it is true ... Holding on ... Holding tight to it ... Will bring no happiness ...
Friends come and friends goes ... Some friends come and stay in your heart forever ... And be by your side when you needed them ... But some friends come into your life .... And leave little footprints ... That the memories they left you ...
I been like saying that everyone changed ... But yet ... I didnt realised the big change in mioself too ... How had i change ... I am not quite sure ... But one thing i am sure of is that ... I am no longer the confident me ... Had become more cui luo in that sense ... And also i am no longer the cheerful me ... How long had this be ??? ... I seriously got no idea ... Cos i didnt realised this change at all ...
Some things that are fated to happen ... WIll happen no matter how hard you tried to prevent it ... It will still happen no matter what ...

2006-04-27T07:03:00.000-07:00

I often wondered if i wasnt in this school ... Would i still be this me now ? ... Would i be a different person if i was in another school ... Maybe much more happier ... Much more rebelious ... Much more impolite ... Much more lazier ... But all this i believe is part and parcel of the life ... Maybe i will not be the innocent me ... bookworm me ... blur sotong me ... sad me ... If i was in another school ... Saw my gan mei lidat i also sad ... Neighbourhood school is indeed complicated ... Sometimes wanted to help her seriously ... But really dono how to help ... See her sec 1 onli then lidat le ... See liao heart also pain ... Silly ger ... Go cut her wrist dono for wad ... Just becos of one moment of foolishness ,,, It may leave a life of regret ... Scar are memories that cant fade ... Hope she can faster grow mature bahx ... So worried about her ... DOno how to take care of herself de ... And also dono how to control her emotion ... Haix ... Life is made up of alot of decision ... DId i made the right choice ? ... I dono ... I am rebelious by nature ... So got chance surely will rebel de ... Cause i believe life is my own ... And other than me ... No one have the right to control my life ... I never listen to my parents .. Why ? ... Because they often thought they were adults and so should know more than i do ... But in actual fact they are more imature than me ... They may be my parents ... But they have no right to interfer in my life ... I rather i make a wrong decision and i pay for the consequences myself ... Rather than i regret when my parents are the one making decision for me ... I dont wanna blame them when that day comes ... And even i blame them cant reverse the situation ...

2006-04-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

Today super sad and angry and disappointed because many things happened ... Firstly is the betray by someone ... Secondly the attitude of the " first class " people ... We define first class people as those that are very popular in the class , got money , got rings , got good result ... First class so wad ... Give this kind of attitude ...
Zhi Jun today also super sad becos of someone ... Disappointed with him bahx i guess ... I simply dont understand why some people simply like to snatch away people things .... And cos people so much hurt ...
After school , Zhi Jun , Sin Yee and me went to lot one the food junction there to fold the origami ... Then half toking half folding ... Den was toking about the class and such ... Den was toking about our results ... humm ... Anyway is tok until we all mood become super bad ... Realise that many things are beyond our control ... And we are wearing a mask everyday to school ... Changing a new mask facing different people ... That how we manage to survive in this class till so far ... Everything got to control temper ... First class people say wad thing , Even wrong must also say they are rite ... Even if they are at fault also cannot scold them ... Everything is control , control and control ... I wonder when my this volcano will erupt ... SO tired going to school each day ... Facing those people ... Wearing a mask ... Have to act happy even if you are unhappy ... HOW FAKE !!! haix ... Tired ar Tired ar so Tired liaoz ... Are second class people ought to get this kind of treatment ??? Life is never fair ... I dont understand why i do sooo much ... and yet the credits goes to someone else ... The teacher is unfair ... School life sux ... Fever liaoz ... Good good... Dont need go school ... Haix ... Super sad ... Lucky holiday is round the corner ... IF not i will go crazy de ...
Got soo many more lotus to fold ... Am i able to finish folding all ??? Humm anyone very free mind helping me mah ??? Very urgent de wor ... Tuesday must hand in ... My class must win ... Because i in charge de mah ... Lolx ...

2006-04-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

TOday assembly was a tok but dono wad Doctor William Tan someting lidat ... It was a sharing about his life ... how he overcome all the problems and be what he is now ... Then halfway through super super sianz ... den i begin to fold the origami ... Fold fold fold ... Den fold finish liao , just want to put down onli ... Ms zeng came and took away 100 of them ... Wth ... confiscate my one only ... Never confiscate others de ... Everyone in the hall also doing lor ... Unfair !
Then after the talk Ms zhang want to see me ... Den go see her lor ... Den say alot of crap ... Den say what i must be like the doctor william Tan ... Must not give up becos of little problems ... And somemore say what ... somemore say my teachers all say i am a very potential girl ... Very clever also ... My head larr ... I flung three subjects out or five ... Still clever ar ??? Doctor William Tan is William Tan ... Different ppl different mahx ... Say like wad lidat ... There are two way to success ... One is by hard work ... Second is by luck ... I tried working hard le ... But still lidat ... Den me is always no luck de ... So dont give up do wad ??? Extra lesson arent helping me ... I simply hate spending my whole day at school ... No mood to study at all ... Even 6 hours i cant stand le ... somemore say must study 12 hours a day in school ... siao ... Stupid school ... Always want to interfer with our social life ... Do you think that by keeping me in school can stop this and that ??? So many extra lesson for wad ??? flung den flung lor ... If we give up on ourself le ... den what for an outsider come and interfer ???

Monday - Chinese Extra Lesson 3.30 - 6
Tuesday - CCA day 2.30 - 5.30
Wedesday - Piano , Project Presentation and stuff 2.30 - 6
Thursday - Math Extra Lesson 3 - 6
Friday - CCA day 2.30 - 7

I dont need chinese and maths extra lesson de !!! My chinese standard i know de ... I flung becos RVIP set it too difficult ... Not our fault ... Maths is all becos of Ms zeng stupid idoit format ... If she didnt anyhow put i wont flung !!! All the Setter fault ... RVIP test is like speed test sia ... Give us so difficult ... Den somemore so little time ... Somemore still say the teacher complete the paper within 15 mins so muplity by 4 den give us that amount of time for our paper ... Teacher is teacher mah ... If they need long long time to complete then they not teacher liao lor ... How can lidat compare de ??? No brain .... This test simply make us lose our confident lor ... Study so hard for wad larr ... study liao also lidat ... Stupid Stupid Stupid .... Hump ...

2006-04-25T05:11:00.000-07:00

歌手：梁静茹专辑：恋爱的力量

• 搜索 "如果有一天"mp3
• 下载"如果有一天"铃声 LRC歌词打印预览

词:易齐曲:郭文贤

现在也只能欣赏
唯一的合照一张
淡忘了的是那个街角
想念的是当时的微笑
生活中交错失望
越想念就越孤单
若再被寂寞迎头赶上
多感伤原来只是正常
你是不是也在品尝
一个人的咖啡和天光
是不是也忽然察觉到
多出时间看天色的变换

如果有一天我们再见面
时间会不会倒退一点
也许我们都忽略
互相伤害之外的感觉
如果哪一天我们都发现
好聚好散不过是种遮掩
如果我们没发现
就给彼此多一点时间

One very meaningful song ...

2006-04-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

Everything is back to beginning ... Everything is restart all over again ... The next chapter of my life is rewrote ... Sianz ... Throat super pain ... Head pain ... Fever ... Cough ... But still go to school like normal ... Teacher ask why i look so sick ... I say so many problems dont sick also weird ... Haix ... Somemore at this point of time .... Yet at this point of time ... I reali dono what to say larr ... Nvm larr ... I was born alone ... So i shall handle my problems alone ... how to expect more ? You dont do what you say ... haix ... expected ... Nvm also ... Cos get use liao ... This kind of things beeen through times and times liao ... Human are selfish ... Indeed it is ... Only silly me still trust ppl so easily ... Just like the way i trust my teacher ... yet got betray by him ... By a teacher somemore ... Who will expect that even teachers cant be trust ? ... God let me seen how cruel life can be ... So shall i be so too ? ... Trusting is a fault of me ... Honesty doesnt bring greater happiness... " 生活中交错失望, 越想念就越孤单 , 若再被寂寞迎头赶上 , 多感伤原来只是正常 "

2006-04-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

Realised something really amazing today ... everyone around me is in relationship worz ... All my classmates and even my juniors are in relationship ... Even her is in relationship ? I cant believe it ... I look at myself ... Yeah ... I am still single ... Why ? ... I got no idea ... But who cares lah ... Dono why so many people keep asking why i dun have boyfriends and such ... Den somemore say want introduce guys to me ... Siao ... It is not like i got no people woo lidat ... Just that dont want stead cannot ar ... Funny de my kors ... Know me so long liao still dont understand me ... Your mei will got no one woo de mehz ? ... Since when your mei is not popular among guys ? ... Lolx ... All this simply takes time to heal ... And it takes time to find the right guy ... YOur mei is being clever this time round ... Mei dont want anyhow stead den get hurt again ... If get hurt again ... Kor you all sure got to go through these with me ... I sure flood whole singapore ... Den kor you all dont need work liao ... Pei me see me cry can liao ... Lolx .... So better drop your idea of helping me find boyfriend larr ... Mei knows what to do de ... Happy got kor you all laugh with me .. Sad got kor you all cry with me enough le larr ... What for go find a bf to hurt myself ? ... Kor you all enough to fill up the emptiness of my heart le ... Kor you all are better than having a bf ... Becos i know kor you all will never leave mei alone de ... mei also know that kor you all wont hurt me like mei past bf ... thx for being there for me in times of need ... thx for scarficing time for ur this sotong mei mei ... thx for peing me whole day today ... And thx for being through everything with me for the past four years ... but lastly ... dont need help mei find bf larr !!! Mei mei dont need bf ... lolx ...

2006-04-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

I think i am really very stupid or should i say i am slow minded ... everytime , everything , i got to read a few times then understand what it mean .... not a few times , but lots and lots of time ... den will suddenly see the true meaning for it....
why he so weird de ??? I dont talk to him ... he talk to me ... I talk to him ... he dont want talk to me ... weird leh ... he from mars de ...
Past few days , the past few books i read is somewhat similar to my circumstances now ... haiya ... dont wanna read books liao larr ...
Today slack whole morning and noon ... as usual my parents are quarreling early in the morning ... den ard 3 plus went out to go to a dono wat lesson ... thought it was fun though abit stressful ... lolx ... den came home around 7 ... den there my parents were , quarreling ... so immediately i went out of my house and went to lot 1 to watch 8 below with jerry ... 9 . 30 show ... so ended quite late ... like ard 11 plus then end ... den by the time i reach home , my parents were all asleep ... i can only have peace when they are asleep ...
Then sherman keep bugging me to pei him to sentosa tmr ... somemore weijie not going ... just the two of us so sianz de ... so told him don wan lar ... but he siao siao de .... keep bugging me ... dono why he like sentosa so much ... den somemore when i told him too little people not fun ... he told me he will ask shawn and benni along ... is like wth lar ... the more i wun wan to go lor ...

2006-04-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

I realised that the problems with the teenages nowadays is having a bad relationship with the family ... At this point of time when we are going through so many problems ... Learning to get back to our feet when we fall .... Having a bad relationship with the family is as good as losing a pillar that we can rely on ... All those support needed for one to be strong and continue to move on ... Is all dependant on family encouragement and support ... If even our dearest one arent there for us ... Who will be there for us ? ...
Nowadays , everyday is so unendurable ... I am just basically living for the sake of living .. With no aim ... Nothing made me look forward to ... Everyday is a day meant to be past ... I simply dont understand ... Why some people promise are meant to be break ... I dont understand why they do so ... There are seriously alot of things going through my mind ... ALot of jigsaw meant to be solve someday ... I wonder why am i doing so many things for the sake of doing it ... And even if i am not happy ... I still continue to do it ... Why ? ....
Study is for myself ... So when i felt that i am tired ... And i dont feel happy studying ... Should i continue to study ? ... For the sake that all adults say studying will ensure your future ? ... But does having knowledge make you a happier person ? ... I had done my best ... But see what kind of result i got ? ... RVIP test arent test for humans ... We arent clever ... We are just hardworking ... But now found that even hardwork dont pay off .... So maybe i shall just live my life happliy doing what i deem fit ...
There is something that once you workhard you will get ... But there are also things in life that no matter how hard you work ... You will never get ... So hardwork is not really the path to success ... There are far more important things than studying i believe ... And whatmore knowledge in books are limited ... You will never learnt as much than to go through it ....

2006-04-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Today someone asked me why i been so cold these days ... i dono ... i replied .... Am i really cold ? .... Did i really change ... It had been raining nowadays ... I hate rainy days ... it just make the atmosphere even worst .... Today is another rainy day ... IT is so cold and lonely ... So scary .... Dono why i Never like rainy from young till now ... maybe because of the incident years back ... My whole mood will change when it comes to rainy days ... somemore ... my mood not been good these days ... Rainy days are always cruel i believe ... Everytime i walk in the rain ... mixed feelings filled me ... Walked in the rain today... As i walked thousand of thoughts flashed through my mind...
I wanted to cry out loud ... but i cant ...i dono why .. the tears just wun flow out .... life is really so miserable ... it really is ... now i found it so hard to put a smile onto my face ... it is really so hard ... even if i did smile ... It is just a smile behind thousands of tears ... Now that even typing a smiliy face had become a task to me .... 我的心太乱,不敢再贪更多爱,想哭的我却怎么哭也哭不出来,我的心太乱,要一些空白,老天在不在,忘了为我来安排,我的心太乱,害怕爱情的背叛,想哭的我,像是一个迷路的小孩

2006-04-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

The unexpected
Another blow
Standing firm

Faker, Fakers
Truth or Lies
What is truth

Truth bring greater happiness?
lies bring greater peace ?
Which is which ?

I hate being honest
While ppl lie to me
I simply hate fakers

2006-04-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

Early in the morning
And there they are
Quarreling

I wonder when all this
come to a stop
Dont they find it tiring

I find it so disturbing
So tiring
So childish behavior

A family like this
A place that doesnt seems
Like what it ought to be

Everyday starts with the same thing
Everytime becos of same thing
When will all this stop ?

2006-04-15T03:19:00.000-07:00

Whole day at home today ... super sianz ... did nothing much except for thinking and thinking ... reflecting and reflecting .... but all this thinking and reflecting ...still leave me with alot of question that cant be answered ...
Between angel and devil.... which should i choose ? What should i do ? What is the best way out ? Is what i doing now the right thing ? I dono ... i really dono .... i am so lost and confused .... all this are expected ... but really didnt expect things to become lidat soo fast ..... I am lost in the mist .... no ppl guilding me . i think i had walk to the end of the road ... why is that so ? Because no ppl guide mi.. Everything of mine... may seems like mine ... but in fact it isnt ... it really isnt ... there is no longer a road to lead me back ... but... a road... tat... i jus look back... I will jus run... i had already lost my way.... it is indeed very scary... The most scary feelings... is being lonely....and facing everything alone ... no ppl are beside mi... again and again i overcome ... i had come this far , struggling my way through ... but this time round , i no longer trust myself ... i no longer have the ability ... i am no longer as strong as before ... i no longer want to do anything about it ... cause i knew that afterall i cant do anything .. i simply wanted to give up .... ALone this lonely life road i had been walking alone .... teach me how to be strong ? I really wanted to be strong ... but i cant ... i really cant ... i am not tat capable ... Maybe at the beginning it was a wrong choice that causes my life to be in such a mess now ... maybe in the first place i shouldnt had interfer .... i really shouldnt had ... maybe just because he thought that i am able to help him again and again ... that's why causes him to sank deeper and deeper ... but i guess .... he really had misunderstood .... I am not that capable ... i arent ... i really arent ..... i am just a normal girl .... there is a limt to what i can do .......

2006-04-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

There is alot of things going through my head , but i simply cant figure it all out ...
Tell me what to do ... teach me what to do ... i am simply lost ... why is it that troubles all comes at the same time ? I felt that i am not that strong afterall ... I feel so tired ... how i hope i can stop at this moment .. but sadly , i cant ....
I need a rest , i really need a good rest .... but when can i really rest with a peace of mind ? Memories of the past were sweet ... but as time goes it turns bitter ... it apply to everything i believe .... This kind of life simply sux ... I am Mentally , Emotionally , Spirtually , Physically TIRED!!! LiFE SUX ...
when will it change for the better?

2006-04-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

So tired liao , really so tired liao ....
So old liao still dono how to think ...
What can i do ?
There is a limit to what i can do
I am not god
I am just a normal girl like anyone out there

Uncountable times since young till now
I dono how long should i continue to endure this
Where has the positive side of me gone ?
I dono ... maybe there is really a limt to everything
I am strong , yes i am , indeed i am

But once again what wrong had i done
To deserve all this
Problems that arent made by me shouldnt become my problem
I did try to help again and again and you promised me
But then , again and again you break your promise
Tell me how to believe you this time round again ?

Why bring your own troubles upon me ?
I am innocent , it is none of my business
I got my own problems also , i am not as carefree as you think
There really is a limit
I really can no longer endure this le
And i no longer want to care le

Is this a place you call home ?
Where even troubles that arent created by me i have to take up responsible?
If it is , i rather i dun have one
Totally given up hope le , I simply hate this place
Even a min i cant stand ...
Tell me how to endure 24 hours tmr ?

2006-04-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

Split identity

Everytime i try to be near,
you push me away..
Everytime i try to escape,
you tempt me with your sweet honey ways..
i have fallen once again..
the death trap of no gay.
i feel i don't know you.
my stranger and friend.
all so near yet so far.
who are you beneath the coat?
the coat you wear day by day which identifies you..
is it warm and tender you i desire?
or the hard and cold you i detest?
i don't know you stranger..
so near yet so far my friend..

By belinda

2006-04-11T04:17:00.000-07:00

Today really had a bad day at school .... feel so dizzy during the second last lesson den my friend brought me to the sick bay ... den after that i went home ...guess what ? Mr Rendy Lee called me and ask where i was ... then ask what time i leave school , this and that ... like trying to say that i try to pon lesson and i leave school before the school is over ... is like wth la .... how will i ever do such a thing ? I am not a stupid person lor ... pon school ??? Funny ... People that really pon he didnt know ... then i really sick and really didnt pon he go and say i pon .... Lame lar ... angry angry ~

2006-04-08T23:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday really had a good laugh and a bad cry ... laugh because i only know what type of person he is only till now and cry because i fell in love with the type of guy like him that i hated the most ... who use stress as an excuse to go clubbing and to dance with the girls there to destress ... To still think that i used to cry over him and love him soo much .... but now i felt that i am so silly and foolish and stupid . Really cant help laughing at myself for being so silly and only knowing that he is that kind of guys i hated most and somemore stead with him ... with the type of guys i will never ever had like ??? and which i think their character sux ??? if onli i knew all this earlier , i wont had caused myself so much pain... All the past tears and pain arent worth it at all ... so bu zhi de ... he still dare to tell me he got reali commit himself before but maybe not to me ... it seems to me he is just playing with my feelings ... But at least knowing this now is better than never knowing ... at least now i knew what type of person he is ... and my very last bit of love for him had vanish and i will never ever still think of havin a patch ... wu yao ke jiu ...

2006-04-08T04:28:00.000-07:00

After so many times of silliness
So many times of foolishness
Finally this time round i know
What is the right thing to do

It is the first time
That i yearn for something so much
But yet i still keep a clear mind
I had really become a more mature person

This is really the best thing to do
I hope this time round
I really made the right decision
And there will be no regrets

2006-04-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

Realised something today
He is off my mind
I shouted with joy

Time will pass
Memories will fade
I proved

After 4 mths finally
I am back to normal
No longer being disturb by his actions

What's wrong with the world ?
Love going around like nobody this moment
And all suffering from it another moment

What's love ? Do anyone knows ?
Do they just follow the trend ?
And cause chaos all over

I love you but i dont dare to shout it out loud
Cos this word had causes too much harm
Not only to self but also others

Whenever i wanted to say it out
I thought of the past and the future
I knew it be better leaving it unsay

Sometimes , somethings are better left untold
The harm will be lesser i guess
Or at least i wont bleed again

THere you hear me singing
The song of a dead soul trying to recover
But wad u hear isnt wad u see

There goes this song ...
I love you
I dont wanna say
I dont wanna love ... you ...
It will hurt in the future someday ... yeah
I knew
Just because of you ...
I had learnt not to trust my feelings
I learnt the hard way of giving you up
It is better in whatever ways ...

So Pack

2006-04-04T00:54:00.000-07:00

Timetable

Mon -> Explorer and connectors day
Tue -> Explorer and conectors day , Cca Day
Wed -> Piano lesson , interact club rotary family meeting ,
Thur-> Trip to some agricultral farm , English project due , Collection of newspaper
Fri -> Cca Day
Sat ->???
Sun->???
Next WeeK

Mon -> Interact club visit to rotaract family , Meeting friend
Tue -> Cca day
Wed -> Piano lesson , Mass meeting
Thur->??? Concert ?
Fri -> Holiday ... yeahh
Sat-> ???
Sun->???

2006-04-03T02:04:00.000-07:00

+*+*+ Fate +*+*+

Do i know him ? Yes , maybe , no
I dono .. but seems that we had met before
Somewhere , some place i guess

Saw him few days ago
It was just by fate , just a normal outing
With a group of people i dono

Saw my friendster today
Saw him viewing my profile
Added him to my friend list

Who is he ? where had i met him ?
There seems to be such a long story behind
But i just cant figured

Is it a normal story
That i was thinking too much into
Or is there some mystery behind

What's all this about ?
Am i going instane or whatss up ?
What's all this doing here ?

2006-03-31T04:42:00.000-08:00

ThE sToRy

As i turned back and look
Everything seems like just yesterday
And all came back fresh to me

As i begin to think and think
I wondered if things can ever be back to the same
But i knew all this is impossible

We had come a distance too far
Far more than anyone can goes
Tears accompanying us throughout our journey

The hurt been far more heart breaking
The days we been through are too tough
Things can never be back to the same

From the day i ask you
I had made up my mind of ending this journey
I am sure that i dont want this kind of life

Till now when i think back once more
I may regret not being brave the other time
But it is too late to say anything more now

I may regret i may cry
For the silliness of my childishness
But what is in the past is already in the past

I wOnDeReD

2006-03-31T00:01:00.000-08:00

I wOnDeReD

Sometimes i really wonder
I wonder if time can really heal all wounds
And if stars really symbolise new hope
And will a star without its glow still continues to shine

Sometimes i really wonder
I wonder if it is real that as long as i work hard i will get what i want
And i wonder if all my past hard work had been pay off
And will i really one day succeed

Sometimes i really wonder
I wonder about all the past , how carefree it use to be
And i wonder if time can bring me back
And will i someday forget all this past memories

Sometimes i really wonder
I wonder all about the faded memories of you and me
And i wonder if all these had change me over the years
And i wonder if i could ever be back to the girl from the very start ...

sianz

2006-03-27T20:12:00.000-08:00

Now having english lesson ... super boring ... cant go msn , cant do this do that .. lame lar ... sian ar sian ... now so hungry , didnt eat today .... somemore the english test so diffcult ... then our teacher say veri easy ... it is like soooo difficult lor ... haix .... scare later i will fail worz ... b

2006-03-26T04:34:00.002-08:00

My DiaMoNd DrOps

have you seen diamond drops of the sky?
like tears which falls to sink the earth.
have you not feel the cold sensation which slowly burns inside?
tearing you apart...
it brings sorrow to those who are despair..
it brings joy to those who rejoice..
with every touch it goes deep..
oh my beautiful diamond drops!
why do you look so good?
but yet you burn me..
i sorrow,
i cry,
i laugh,
i feel..
alive when you touch.
why do you fall?
where do you stay?
will you keep falling?
oh please stay..
i need you..
to feel alive again
in this world which doen't care no more

written by belinda soh

Happened to came across one of mio fren blog with meaningful poem , that had excatly describe mio past feelings ... but now it is all in the past le ...

2006-03-26T04:34:00.001-08:00

+*So is it gone?*+

Because i cared, i did not see
i was hidden in your misery.
i did my best.. a little harsh
in the hope to bring you up..
but instead i feel it was wrong
for it was clear that you never saw..
so is it gone?
my dear friend in life..
through the things that I’ve tried,
you were blind..
i do not mind that we don't talk..
i don't even care if our friendship stopped..
i do not mind if others argued over who is right or wrong..
not even if the decision is that I’m at fault..
it peice me too much till i am numb
simply by your depressed charms..
i just hope that you will see
that one day you would be
the confident chap that once i've seen

2006-03-26T04:34:00.000-08:00

love pain

why do you come and go?
why do you slash me with words and leave me to bleed?
let me heal in serenity i desire and appear again?
i never figured.. and i guess i shall never will ..
what is going through your mind ..
what you're trying to do..
you never know the damage you done..
its beyond words describes..
do you enjoy bringing pain in my life..
or you simply have nothing to do?
i want to tell you to Fuck off..
but my dieing heart dun..
my hands cannot pull back
i cannot ignore..
your pain is mine to bear
and i shall not be deaf..

2006-03-24T22:37:00.000-08:00

Deleted all mio past blogs today ... gotten start all over again i guess ... cannot let fate decide mio fate ... i will fight for mio own fate . Mio destiny , fate , future shall lies in mio hand and not in the hand of others ................................................................................................. A New Chapter Begins ...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................